Epic Mini: Menopause and Empty Nest Syndrome

Children left home? Feeling a sense of redundancy in your life? This episode has you covered! It's all about navigating empty nest syndrome while learning to embrace change and accept a new phase for self-rediscovery.

In this episode, your host Mary opens Season Two by discussing her personal experiences with empty nest syndrome, particularly after her daughter's recent move to university. She offers insights drawn from her emotional journey and shares strategies to cope with these feelings, such as focusing on self-care, rediscovering old passions, planning for the future, and building a strong support network.

The episode is designed to provide comfort and guidance to those experiencing similar life transitions, fostering conversations about the often-overlapping phases of empty nest syndrome and menopause.

Mary invites listeners to join her Facebook group to connect with others and build a network of support.

Take your menopause mastery to a whole new level. Mary's exclusive online, self-paced learning program has launched. Check out her digital course, Menopause Intelligence, a transformative path of discovery where confusion, overwhelm, and frustration give way to empowerment, knowledge, and agency. 

00:00 Welcome to Season Two; It's World Menopause Month
00:45 A Personal Story: My September Break
01:34 Understanding Empty Nest Syndrome
03:42 Stages of Empty Nest Syndrome
11:40 Coping Strategies and Self-Care
13:46 Rediscovering Passions and Planning for the Future
17:07 Building a Support Network
19:59 Embracing Gratitude 

Transcript

0:01

Hey, this is Mary, your host of all things menopausal. we are at season two. And it is also the month of October, which is recognized as world menopause month, a time to build awareness and to courage conversation and more education around him. Very important phase in a woman's life. I am so pleased that you're here. And this episode is about something very important to me that I'm experiencing. I'm going to share it in the context of storytelling. To build that awareness and have that conversation. if this is the first time that you're landing on this podcast and haven't been falling on real time. Welcome. For those that have been following me in real time. And you're probably wondering where did I go in the month of September? Well, my family took a much needed holiday for three weeks To tour around Italy and Greece. we brought the daughters with us along with their boyfriends. What a wonderful vacation. It was so hard to come back. Especially coming back, knowing full well that we were moving my daughter out of the house. For university packing up all of her stuff To start her life. In her new apartment with her boyfriend. And I was in complete denial that she was leaving. So when we finally came back, It was with such heaviness. And so I thought what a great way to start off season two. by being open and real and honest, and sharing with you. My story. About empty nest syndrome and hopes that something I will share can help you or maybe resonate with you. You've already gone through it. But wherever you are at. In this stage in life and let's face it. Many of us moms will go through emptiness in term or we're taking care of loved ones. On the other end or parents, the sandwich generation. Wherever you might be at, even if you don't have children of your own. There is. A message in here as we go through the changes in life. That are similar to emptiness syndrome, but they happen in many aspects of our lives. And I'm going to get into that in this episode. So I'm so happy for you to join. And I encourage you Please join the Facebook group. If you want to have more. Personal. Intimate conversations. And share information about the menopausal journey. My face book group is called personal and universal. I love to have you joined me. So as we got back last weekend and literally just happened last weekend that we moved my daughter. I must have cried for a solid 48 hours. It was such a heaviness on my heart. I was just consumed. And now I'd heard about empty nest syndrome. But until you're going through it, walking through that fire. You can't actually feel the intensity of it. Well, let me tell you it was intense. And so I poured over the internet. Dr. Google trying to find all kinds of information. On it and what to do, but it from. You know, sites like the better up or a good therapy. Insight psychological, even some health sites such as the Mayo clinic, for example. And then I landed on calm.com that beautiful meditation app. They have great articles on their blog. And so I wanted to take all the snippets of information I found. And compress it into what I hope to be a really helpful. And informative. Episode. So let's dive in. Shall we. I think a great place to start is defined what emptiness syndrome is. And then look at. Different stages and phases. Of the emotions that come with emptiness syndrome. by definition, emptiness syndrome. It's not a clinical diagnosis, but rather an emotional phase that many parents experience when they're. Only child or their last child leaves the home. It can evoke these feelings of grief and loneliness. As us parents, we confront this shift in our roles and the loss of our daily connections with our children. It's a big change and it's completely normal to feel a mix of emotions. Sadness loneliness and even a sense of redundancy. And I'll get into that. You know, after all, as parents, we've devoted years to be actively involved. Raising our children involved in their lives. And now that chapter has come to a close. So, what are we going to do about it? I think it's really important first to understand that phases of emptiness syndrome. This can be so immensely beneficial one because it helps you recognize. The strange emotion that you're going through. And to be able to accept that it's happening. This is a healthy way to move through each of the stages. I find that it allows me permission. Too. Allow that sensation, that feeling and going through to happen. And to let it come up. And then. Not deny it, or if you will, or shove it away because That can be terribly unbeneficial and emotionally unhealthy. In the long run. So by recognizing these stages, you can see where you're at with the hopes of knowing that this the next stage will come. And then this too will pass. How long does emptiness syndrome last? Well, that's very personal to every individual. Of course. Some, it could be just a few days. Others have to move through it over several weeks. And I've even found the references said it can last up to two months. And it's a form of grieving too. So again, give yourself permission. But recognize what each of these stages are and those stages, the first. Is denial. That initial shock that can lead to this. Disbelief about your child moving out. I for one had gone through denial under vacation Fortunately, the vacation helped me suppress that because I was having so much joy. being in Italy and Greece. And so I could shove that emotional way. But getting closer to the end of that vacation and coming home, this. Denial was coming up like, oh my goodness, this very next weekend. After we get off this airplane within a few days. We're packing everything up. Uh, loading up the trailers and heading down. To move my daughter out. But. In denying myself. They're privileged to experience this new phase. I felt that it was making the situation worse. The important thing is to acknowledge and accept these feelings. This is a normal response. The denial is normal. And denial. Is met with the hardest part. And for me, this was terribly heavy. Anger and sadness. I was angry at my spouse. I mean, he had nothing to do with it, but I just felt this. Boiling up emotion that needed to come out. So I was getting angry. At silly things and for no reason, and I'm still doing it. But I'm now recognizing that this is part of the empty nest syndrome stages. So after that denial has happened and. Physically in our case, physically seen the space change. It has completely emptied right out. All of her, furniture's gone. Many of her clothing, actually, almost all of it is gone. Every little sign and detail that she ever existed in the house. Most of it is gone. And. this is when the grief came in and it is okay. So when you're feeling this sadness and this anger, some of the healthy responses is to share these feelings with a trusted friend. And let me tell you, I poured my heart out with my husband one day expressing just. How heavy it felt, it felt good to cry like that as well. And man was, I saw big, big. Bucketfuls of tears. And finding a trusted friend. Maybe you can talk to, I even had a good cry out in public. I'm sure people who are gazing over thought what is happening here. But I think most of us are compassionate enough to recognize. When somebody needs to be. Consoled in there in their grief. Even working it out with a counselor. And I've said this before in previous episodes. Cognitive behavior therapy, working with a counselor, a therapist is so beneficial. For menopausal women because of so many changes that are happening that are hard to work through. At therapist, we could again be a family member, a loved one. They don't have to be. Board certified. Somebody who can just take that. These feelings, that pain, what you're expressing and reframe it. In such a way that it brings you a better perspective. That to me is therapy. So work through those emotions with someone. And recognize that the anger and the sadness is all part of it. Moving on is the acceptance stage. And that is when we gradually find yourselves accepting this new reality. And then seeking. New joy in our lives. And I'm going to get into that in a moment. But figuring out how can we now feel our space, like physically in our house, it was fill that space. And bring joy. Or fill that void in our lives and in our hearts and find new meaning. You know, when we moved Jillian out, her bedroom was completely empty. I mean, there was echoes in the room. It was daunting. And. As I started to accept this new phase. I just haphazardly, maybe subconsciously. Thought well, what a great. Place to move. Some of the outdoor furniture in just for now as a temporary. And we have this cute little metal bistro set that sit on, sits on our front porch. And the weather's starting to turn fall like, and it's damp. And. Very windy. And I said, it's a great time now to bring that in. So I just subconsciously brought it right into her front bedroom where her bedroom was. And set it up this cute little. Uh, Italian Cafe and I pulled out these two tea cups. Of my grandmothers. Yeah. I tend to hold on to things. Not everything. I'm not a hoarder. But there are little items that I still hold on to. If my grandmother's. My mom's and even my daughters still has a few little things lying about. But in this particular case, I set it up like this. French bistro. And it helped me move from some sadness quite quickly into acceptance. Accepting this new reality, accepting that I have to do something with this space. And that brought me some joy. And then the fourth phase is renewed perspective. This is when we embrace this new chapter with open arms. Reluctantly. You're not, some are just elated. Let's face it. Some. Are cheering. We're empty nesters. Hooray. Let's celebrate what's front around the house, like children, ourselves. Not the case for me. So. Having this new found perspective. And for me, it was that new perspective of looking at this empty space down, figure out what I can do about it. This is an opportunity also for fresh starts and planning for the future. And I'm going to get into that. So if these patterns of anxiety and sadness linger, it's essential to note that these feelings are valid. The good news, there are effective strategies to help you move through the empty nest syndrome. Four steps, four things that you can do. And these are four things that I pulled from some of the reference material that I found online. It's been helpful for me. And I'm hoping that you'll get some benefit out of it as well. And the first one, and I say this a lot. With menopause in general. Focus on self care. Treat yourself with the same love and attention that you've given your children. We spend years of putting our children, our loved ones first. And now it's your turn to start a new hobby. take up a yoga class that you've been thinking about. Join a gym. Start a dance class, maybe go to the local community club and take up art. Whatever it is. This is your time. Don't feel that empty space now with doing more scrolling on Facebook. Um, and I've caught myself. I've been doing more Wordle, more New York times, crossword puzzles. I mean, it's great for the brain but it can come at a detriment if I'm using that. As a crutch to fill the time. And quite honestly, This is hard work, self care. It seems like self care having a bubble bath. Oh, so luxurious, but honestly for us, women is so hard because we have spent so many years. Denying ourselves as simple pleasures. And so now is your time. Now is your time to. Try something new. But remember put yourself first. And one of the things that I have been doing. Or self care. Is. To practice. Some self-compassion. And way back in season one, the very first episode. We started off on a talk on self-love. It is so important because we are the root of everything. And if we are not caring for ourselves or take care of ourselves, In such a way. That we can be a benefit to others. And what good are we? So put yourself first and give yourself permission to do so. And that leads to the next one. And that is rediscovering old passions. I found this. Heaviness in my heart because. When I asked myself, what did I enjoy or what did I do before parenthood? Well, I was in the military. I was in uniform. I was serving. Active duty Canadian armed forces. And in fact, my daughter, she was conceived when I was deployed on a tour. And it was during the time off that you get to meet with your loved one. And we were touring around Greece. And oops. She was conceived. And I will say that touring around Greece on this recent vacation and pointing out to my daughter. You know, different places that our father and I had gone to brought me so much joy. It was, but it was, it. Big feeling of melancholy. And I had to stop myself because I quickly was going to that place of, oh my goodness. I'm going to be an empty nester soon. And then asking myself, what did I enjoy before she was born? Well, Before I had bladder issues as a result of pregnancy. I was a serious, long distance runner. It brought me joy. Fitness's always brought me joy. Um, but I did find myself lacing up my running shoes the other day. And I went out for a run. And now I'm making plans to do more distances. with my stepdaughter, who is a marathon runner. So that was me in her shoes literally several years ago. So. Rediscovering. Oh passions. What brought you joy before? What purpose did you have before? And this can be really tough work. For many women to reconnect with their old selves. It's important to take that time. and silence and quietly. Um, meditation or get some introspective work, sit down and journal. And take the time to say, who am I? Who was I then? And who will I be today? And tomorrow. And this leads to the next tip. And that is to plan for the future. This can be planning for exploring new hobbies or planning to get out with your friends more often. Even if you have plans that have been put aside, now's the time to see. Plan for your educational goals. What was that course that I've always wanted to take. Either at the community college or online. This is your time to find new found passions. It's new found time, literally in your schedule. From my husband and I, we get really, quite excited about planning for our next vacation. I mean, literally getting off the plane. And we're already talking about, okay, where will we go? Next? Spain, Portugal. We have always wanted to go see Ireland. I like to go back to Germany again, We were getting excited about planning for. Hikes with the dogs on the weekend. Like where do you want to go walk with the dogs this weekend? Let's go out on this hike here. We've never been on this hike before. It's been years. Well before parenthood, since we've done this hike. So planning for the future is a great way to start shifting. Your life out of that heaviness of being an empty-nester in, into a new opportunity. With this new found time, this new found space. And then the last tip I want to share is to build your support network. This is so very important. I know I've talked about this before. Women need a community of women to get through. The transition to share a nurse stories because it helps validate or symptoms. It helps validate. Our emotional and our mental experiences or physical experiences when we have those open conversations with honest conversations. Just the sheer little stories. through our journey. And in those stories and experiences, we're helping each other so important. We are social creatures. And we need to strengthen our social connections for our mental and emotional wellbeing. So reach out to friends, old friends, new friends. Loved ones, relatives. And share with someone who can relate with you, this profound lifestyle change of yours and. Maybe can share in part on you. Some of. Some of their tips and tricks to get through it. You know, one of the things that I did recently. My support. Network, fortunately has been with a yoga studio. Right. Both practice and teach a class. And in this particular season on teaching a bar class, And I was just leading a class two days ago. And we like to share often. No. I'll put in a little remark in my classes about hot flashes or sore achy joints or stiff muscles. But I do so in such a way as to inform and educate, but build. A sense of awareness without sounding too lecture-y but more, insightful and enjoyable. And in this particular class towards the end, when I was allowing the participants just to lie in stillness, to assimilate all their hard work from the class. I was recounting my heaviness of empty nest syndrome. And I saw one of the ladies not in the corner. And I said, While you're lying here. I want you to lie here in gratitude and appreciation for your hard work during this bar class. And your commitment just to show up. Because gratitude really can shift our emotional energy or frequency or vibration. And. Allows us to go into that heart space. So I shared with them that in my emptiness syndrome, grief and pain. I had to go into the heart space, using gratitude as a tool as this little secret. Weapon, if you will. To help us. Move past. Uh, state of. Low energy to a state of high vibration. And so gratitude has been. The most important thing that I can do in this moment. But to be able to share that with the social connection that I have created, and it's been afforded to me, the gratitude I have for that. Helped me. Except some of the grief, the sadness that I had been moving through. Now I do want to elaborate a little bit more on gratitude. When you're feeling that heaviness and sadness. Place your hand on your heart. And I made this reference in. A few other episodes in season one, Definitely. When we talked about self care and self love. When you can find that moment of stillness in gratitude and give thanks for the opportunity for parenthood, the gift. Of being a mom. The joy and the gratitude of the years of raising the child and the gratitude for the young woman. In my case, my daughter, or the young man that you have raised. This is such a beautiful practice of self care. That you can move past. Some of the heaviness and those four stages. Of the emptiness syndrome, the empty nest. Grieving process, if you will. If you are in that feeling. Right now have empty nest syndrome or have gone through it or. Anticipating it to come. I really do hope that this episode has brought you some. At Feis or some feeling of connection. And you can relate to the stories. Please share it with a friend. A loved one who could use some of The Sage advice of empty nest syndrome or of any of the things that we talk about on all things menopausal. I mean, this really is a platform to bring in. Experts and to share stories. Maybe my stories. Stories of others. About women's health and the woman's journey, you know, elevated philosophy says that the. Midlife transition. From peri-menopause through to post-menopause. Is stepping into the age of wisdom. So I say it's time to get wise, get wise with each other, open up that conversation and share in that dialogue so that we can feel comforted and not alone. And they sensation in this pain. Of empty nest syndrome or in the challenges of going through menopause, because this is a great opportunity. To birth a second spring. If you will. to find. New purpose and rediscover a piece of us that we've maybe put away on the shelf. While we were parenting. And now it's time to dust that back off. And be experimental. Explore. How'd that childlike spirit. As Robert Green says in his book mastery. It's really as a time. For mastering. Mastering menopause, for example. And on that note. I do invite you to check out. My new digital course. Menopause intelligence. It is a online self-paced self-directed course. That covers eight modules, everything. From the. Science of menopause and our biological changes in her body. To the spiritual hope person that we are the energetic and emotional person. That we are, as we move through this time in our lives. When hormones are changing. When our roles in life are changing and we're just rediscovering these new opportunities. This new growth and strength. So do check that out. I have a link in the show notes. For my. Digital course menopause intelligence. And if you want to learn more about that. Consider booking A free consultation. Call To ask questions, to learn a little bit more about our offerings. I offer one-on-one client coaching. Small group classes and coaching. And of course my new digital course. I am so thankful that you are here. You've joined me. You're here for season two. And again, like I said, if you're landing on this for the first time, welcome, welcome listeners. New listeners. Welcome back old listeners. Go back and listen to some of those older episodes that you've never had a chance to listen to. There's so much that we cover from heart health, physical fitness, pelvic floor health. Aerobatic practices. And the lineup of guests that I have coming up in this season. Are quite amazing. We cover it all. From the mental, physical, emotional, spiritual whole person that we are. I am so glad to have you here.